I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
