I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
