I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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