FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
