If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
