you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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