Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
