I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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