Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
