i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
