All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
