My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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