What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
