Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
