I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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