If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
