I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
