All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
