Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
