Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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