Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
