Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
