So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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