So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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