ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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