they need to just BURY HIM!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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