halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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