I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
