I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize
