There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My dick has a subreddit
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
