Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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