You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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