i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
