Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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