we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
