drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
