last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
