I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
