Your dad touched me again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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