There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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