DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
