Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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