Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
