He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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