Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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