two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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