I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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