Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize