I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
