Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
