As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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