omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
