I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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