Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
