Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
