This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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