The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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