He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
