she was so not down for the gang bang
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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