I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
