I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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