Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
