from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
