I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
