It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
