Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
