I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
